Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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