I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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