I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
