FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
