Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
