She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
