You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize