if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
