Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
