I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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