After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
