At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
