I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
