you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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