No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
