she woke up with a sticky ear
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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