I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
