I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
