I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
