After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
