its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
