Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize