I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
