is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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