Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
