I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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