im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
