I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
