i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
