Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
