when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
