Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
