we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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