We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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