she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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