she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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