Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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