I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
