i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
