is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
