It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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