he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
