Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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