she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
