"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
