ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
