I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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