If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
