Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
