Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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