trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
