Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
