I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
