she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize