Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
