I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
