i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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