wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
