So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
