They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
