It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
