If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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